After everything that has happened over the past year, there is one thing that hasn’t changed:
I’m still just a fan.
I don’t know these people personally. They don’t owe me anything.
And maybe that’s exactly why every kind interaction, every conversation and every unexpected moment has meant so much to me.
The distance that once seemed impossible to cross has become smaller in ways I never expected. Technology has changed what being a fan can look like. Social media, Zoom calls and communities like the Bundy Club have made encounters possible that my 13-year-old self couldn’t even have imagined. People who once existed only on a television screen suddenly feel more human. Not because I know them. But because, for a moment, that enormous distance between “fan” and “the people behind the show” became a little smaller. And I think that distinction matters.
None of these moments make me part of their private lives. They don’t turn admiration into friendship or familiarity into personal closeness.
But they have changed something for me. Especially the Zoom with Ed. For decades, I had carried something with me that never really had an address. Gratitude, memories, emotions – all connected to a show and a character that had meant far more to me than the people behind them could ever have known.
And then, suddenly, I had somewhere to put it. I got to say thank you. And after that, I was able to let something go.
That moment closed a circle for me in a way I hadn’t expected. Something that had felt unfinished for decades suddenly wasn’t unfinished anymore.
Maybe that’s also why I can look at everything happening now with a little more calm. Of course I still get excited. Of course I can wonder why there was no reply, why something feels different or whether something has changed. I can be disappointed too. I’m human. And I know myself well enough to know that I can think about those things far too much. But I’m also getting better at letting them go again.
I don’t have to understand every moment or analyze everything that happens.
Because when I look at the bigger picture, I realize something very simple: I already got more than I ever thought I would. I went to the reunion.
I found this community. I met people I never would have met otherwise. I got to hear stories directly from people who were there. I got to speak. I got to say thank you. And something that once felt completely unreachable became real.
Nothing else has to happen.
That doesn’t mean I won’t be excited about whatever comes next. It doesn’t mean I don’t have wishes or hopes. And it certainly doesn’t mean that this journey is over. It simply means that none of those things have to happen for what already happened to be enough.
Maybe that is the biggest thing that has changed for me.
The show itself hasn’t changed.
My respect for the people behind it hasn’t changed.
My awareness of privacy and boundaries hasn’t changed.
But the distance feels different now. Something that once existed only in memories, television episodes and teenage dreams became part of my real life for a little while. And I’m deeply grateful for that.
Some dreams are about meeting your heroes. Others are about realizing that behind the characters, the fame and all those years of memories are simply people. People who created something that became meaningful to someone they never knew. Someone like me.
After all these years, after everything that happened, after dreams somehow turned into memories of my own…
I’m still just a fan.
And that’s enough for me.
A little note at the end:
If you’ve made it all the way through these six parts – thank you. ❤️
I know that not everyone experiences being a fan the way I do. Some people probably enjoy all of this with much more distance and would never ask themselves half of the questions I’ve written about here. Others may recognize some of their own thoughts in mine.
This series was never meant to explain what being a fan should look like. It was simply my way of putting into words what it looks like from where I stand.
These texts actually started months ago. Coming back to them now, after everything that has happened since, felt a little different – and some of my thoughts had changed along the way too.
Maybe you agree with some of them. Maybe you see things completely differently.
That’s okay.
There probably isn’t one right way to be a fan.
This was simply mine.
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