Season 3 Episode 19: The Dateless Amigo

Al has invented Shoe Lights and needs someone to test them, which is how Kelly becomes a guinea pig. Bud’s problem is separate and more acute: he has told his friends he can produce a girl, and cannot, so he borrows a department store mannequin and presents it as his date. Kelly supplied the idea, on the reasoning that mannequins are accustomed to being undressed by boys who will not get anywhere.

The mannequin is one of the series’ better running humiliations and it did not stop here, season seven’s “What I Did for Love” returns to the same territory with Bud and an inflatable companion, and the inflatable doll turns up again in season ten. The joke works because Bud commits so completely; the mannequin gets a name, a seat and an evening.

Al’s side of the episode produces one of the bleakest statistics in the series. He has introduced the highest-earning shoe salesman at the annual ceremony for seven consecutive years, a duty that falls to him because he is the lowest earner, which means the show has quietly established that Al Bundy has been the worst salesman in his profession’s regional league for seven years running.

Steve contributes a characteristic invention of his own: a ninety-nine-cent coin, conceived to solve the problem of prices ending in .99, which Al points out does not account for sales tax. Marcy implies the Treasury Department’s response to Steve’s insistence that his own face appear on it has been five consecutive audits. Steve had previously tried to abolish the penny in season one. This is the final appearance of Bud’s friend Teddy, the only one for Boz, and the last reference to their group, The Three Amigos.

Episode Facts

• Original air date: May 7, 1989
• Season 3, Episode 19, and the 54th episode of the series
• Written by Sara V. Finney and Vida Spears
• Directed by Gerry Cohen

Guest Cast

• Stephen Dorff as Boz
• Giovanni Ribisi as Teddy, credited as Vonni Ribisi
• Heather Hopper as Lisa
• Christy Taylor as Caroline

Two Future Film Careers, Aged Fifteen

Stephen Dorff plays Boz, a couple of years before Backbeat and a long way before Blade. Giovanni Ribisi plays Teddy, still billed as Vonni, and he had already been in Where’s the Boss two seasons earlier under the same name.

The episode also quietly delivers the bleakest fact in the series about Al’s job. He has introduced the top-earning shoe salesman at the company awards for seven consecutive years, and the reason he gets the job is that he is the lowest earner. Seven years running.

Steve’s invention subplot is the recurring one about his schemes going to the government. He claims to have invented a ninety-nine cent coin, Al points out he forgot sales tax, and Marcy mentions they have been audited five years in a row since he insisted his own face go on it.

Famous Quotes

• Al: “Who am I? Where am I? Oh, that’s right, I’m Al Bundy… Ah, no! Damn!” Al, waking up.
• Steve: “Are you moving away?” Peg: “No.” Steve: “Are you going on a very extended vacation?” Peg: “No.” Steve, narrowing down which bottle to open.
• Marcy: “Peggy may think we don’t like them. Is Al going to prison?” Marcy, hopefully.
• Steve: “If the news is good enough, I still have a Chiclet in my pocket we could divide.” The final offer.

Notes

• Bud mentions that Al once tried to become a garbage man.
• Steve’s attempt to abolish the penny was back in season 1’s Nightmare on Al’s Street.
• Al tries to start a “Whoa Bundy!” and neither Bud nor Peg joins in.
• Heather Hopper had been in the series that became Saved by the Bell.
• Goof: Al sends Kelly out to walk the Rhoades home in the dark, and the shoe lights are plainly switched off the whole way.