Season 6 Episode 9: Kelly Does Hollywood (1)

Cable television arrives at the Bundy house, and with it a remote control called the Channel Master 2000 that is powerful enough to operate the Darcys’ set from across the living room, a capability Al discovers early and abuses immediately. His search for anything worth watching on his new dozens of channels is a tour of what basic cable actually offered in 1991, and it ends in horror when he learns what is coming on next. What he does find is Marcy, on public access, discussing her marriage in terms Jefferson would rather she had not chosen. Jefferson’s explanation of how she got on television is that anyone with thirty-five dollars and a pack of lies about her husband can do it, which gives Kelly an idea. Thirty-five dollars later Kelly has her own public access program. She describes her intentions as serious, something the youth of America can relate to, issue stuff, and what actually goes out is received well enough that a Hollywood network takes an interest. The best running gag in the episode is Al’s campaign to get himself onto his daughter’s show, which involves auditioning repeatedly while Bud operates a clapperboard reading AL BUNDY AUDITION, take after take, as Al delivers a dramatic recitation of the lyrics to “Duke of Earl.” This is also the last time Matt LeBlanc played Vinnie Verducci, brought back after the cancellation of Top of the Heap and billed as a special guest star. It is also one of the clearest snapshots of what the arrival of cable did to American households, filtered through a man who now has fifty channels and still cannot find anything to watch.

Episode Facts

• Original air date: November 10, 1991
• Season and episode: Season 6, Episode 9
• Overall episode number: 114
• Written by: Larry Jacobson
• Directed by: Gerry Cohen
• Taped: October 25, 1991
• Production note: Christina Applegate named this one of her favorite episodes of the series in the 1995 special My Favorite Married.
• Production note: Matt LeBlanc’s final appearance as Vinnie Verducci, billed as a special guest star ahead of the launch of his retooled spinoff Vinnie & Bobby.
• Production note: Katey Sagal does not appear. Peggy’s absence is explained as a shopping trip.
• Title note: Modeled on the title of the 1978 film Debbie Does Dallas.

Guest Cast

• Matt LeBlanc as Vinnie Verducci
• Kari Wuhrer as Joanie the band leader
• Dinah Lenney as the talk show host
• Heather Grimes as Roberta
• Donna Eskra as Cyndy
• Georgi Irene as Samantha
• Lisa Fuhrman as Jeannie

Public Access

The Channel Master 2000 is the episode’s best prop and its most fundamentally improbable one. Al points it out the front door to change the Darcys’ channel, which among other things suggests the Darcys live across the street rather than next door, and he never programs it for either television. None of this matters while it is happening.

The Duke of Earl audition is the scene people quote. Al, convinced that the way onto his daughter’s program is through a dramatic reading, performs the lyrics of Gene Chandler’s 1962 single with complete sincerity and a small shuffle dance, while Bud slates take six and Kelly’s composure visibly fails. It is the sort of thing that only works because Ed O’Neill commits absolutely.

Kari Wuhrer, playing Joanie the band leader, had been an MTV VJ in the early nineties and went on to Sliders and a long run of film work. Dinah Lenney plays the host whose public access slot sets the whole thing in motion.

Vinnie Verducci’s reappearance here is a bit of network housekeeping. Top of the Heap had been cancelled in May 1991, and the character was dusted off for one more Married with Children appearance ahead of Vinnie & Bobby, which eventually premiered in the summer of 1992 and lasted seven episodes.

Famous Quotes

• Jefferson, explaining how his wife ended up on television: “It’s public access. Anyone with 35 dollars and a pack of lies to tell about her husband can get on it.”
• Al, reassuring his disappointed daughter and then immediately not: “You’ll always be my little girl and I’ll always have time for you.” Then, turning to the TV as she leans in for a hug: “Now that’s a hooter!”
• Kelly, on the ambitions of her new program: “Everyone expected just a piece of fluff, but we wanted to do something important. Something that the youth of America could relate to. You know, issue stuff.”
• Bud, slating his father’s audition: “Dad’s dramatic reading in a pathetic attempt to get on Kelly’s show, take 6.”

Notes

• Al screams when he learns Cagney & Lacey is coming up next.
• The Facts of Life theme turns up again during Al’s channel search, and he hates it here, having sung along happily to it two episodes earlier. The song was co-written by Alan Thicke, who later guest starred on this series.
• Richard Strauss’s “Also sprach Zarathustra” plays when Bud starts flexing in front of a horrified Kelly.
• Marcy’s public access appearance implies Jefferson has intimacy problems, a thread the show picked up again in season 7’s “T-R-A-Something-Something Spells Tramp.”
• Vinnie notes that a motorcycle helmet resembles the one worn in The Rocketeer, and correctly reports that the film underperformed.