Bundy Club Story #1 PART 2

Married with Children big foot shoe museum story

Previously on the Bundy Club Story #1…

Al came home from the shoe store expecting the worst. He had no idea it was about to get much worse.
2 Twin 5 year olds come running down the stairs yelling, “Poppop Poppop, can we stay with you tonight Please!!!!
Al grimaces as they both grab his legs.
Al- “Dammit Kelly will you come get your vultures off of me!”
Kelly walks slowly down the stairs, “Daddy, can you please take the twins for the night, pleeeease!!!”
Al-“ first things first where’s my wallet”
One of the twins hands over Al’s wallet.
Al -“And where’s my keys?”
The other twin hands over Al’s Car keys both smirking as they hide behind their mom.
Al-“Kelly, it’s Friday night, I’ve worked all week, had to deal with fat feet for five days, Daddy needs a break before he breaks”
Kelly- “Then who can I get to watch the twins?”
Al- “Kelly, sweetheart, think about it, what loser do you know that is alone on a Friday night and would love to brag to his buddies that he spend the weekend with two blonde twins?”
Kelly and the twins pause then yell at the same time, -“Grand Uncle-B!”
Al: where’s my key
Twin: hands Al a flathead screwdriver
Al: there’s a booger on it!
Bud enters from the basement…
His shirt ripped to shreds after another night of passion with Esmerelda, Bud pulls a carton of milk from the refrigerator turns to the twins…
“Carlos Jr., Eight? What are you doing here?”
Carlos and Eight: “Mom said we can stay here tonight, and you and Pop-Pop are taking us on a night hike! Look, it’s already dark—we can go right now!”
Bud
” A night hike in this neighborhood? Absolutely not.”
The sounds of a police chase whiz by the house.
Bud
“Bundy’s do not hike.”
Then, quickly, Bud’s expression changes as though he is at the beginning stages of hatching a plan. He is playing for the camera straight on.
But then the camera angle changes to the perspective of the family watching him. From their perspective he has an unmistakably devious grin, tapping his fingertips together like a cartoon villain. Bud is clearly pleased with whatever terrible idea just entered his head.
Bud: “Okay, kids. How would you like to go on the most terrifying night hike of your lives?”
Carlos Jr. and Eight: “Yeah!”
Al: “Now hold on, son. If anyone’s going to emotionally scar those children, it should be their grandfather.”
Bud: “Relax, Dad. I’m taking them somewhere educational.”
Al’s face drops.
Al: “Dear God. Not school.”
Bud reaches into his pocket and places a crumpled flyer on the table.
Bud: “Even worse. The Big Foot Shoe Museum.”
Kelly: “They made a museum about that hairy guy?”
Bud: “No. It’s a museum filled with the biggest, ugliest shoes—and the feet that wore them.”
Al slowly picks up the flyer. His face turns pale.
Al: “I know those feet…”
Bud grins at the twins.
Bud: “By sunrise, these kids will be too terrified to ever become shoe salesmen.”
Al stares proudly at his son.
Al: “Bud… for the first time in your life, you’re making me proud. But as educational as that sounds, you’re going without me.”
Peg looks lovingly at Al, making kissy faces.
Peg: Oh… honey…
Al darts back and forth between Bud, the grandchildren, and Peg., not finding a good option.
Al jumps off the couch, grabs his jacket, and rushes to the door.
Al: “All right, let’s go! Move, move, move!”

TO BE CONTINUED…

4 responses to “Bundy Club Story #1 PART 2”

  1. Christin Avatar
    Christin

    The story continues at The Big Foot Shoe Museum…

    Al pulls the Dodge into the museum parking lot and brings it to a stop by crashing into the enormous statue in front of the entrance—a giant woman’s foot squeezed into a pump several sizes too small.
    The impact shatters the Dodge’s last remaining headlight.

    Al: “Great. My last headlight.”
    Carlos Jr. and Eight bounce around on the back seat, laughing.
    Carlos Jr. and Eight: “Again! Again!”
    Al: “Sit down! That wasn’t entertainment. That was parking.”

    Al, Bud, and the twins climb out of the Dodge and find themselves standing in front of a three-story department store from the 1950s—now home to The Big Foot Shoe Museum.

  2. Will (aka Grandmaster Faust) Avatar
    Will (aka Grandmaster Faust)

    The Big Foot Shoe Museum clearly has some branding issues as a group of tinfoil hat wearing adults storming out of the doors angrily pass the Bundys murmuring something about it being a waste of time.

    Carlos Jr.: “Whoa… what is this place?”
    Eight: Yeah… like, why does it exist?”

    Al looks at Bud and then his own grandchildren, with a look of concern. You can tell he is about to tell a story… the real story… of this place.

  3. Christin Avatar
    Christin

    Al: “Welcome to hell, you two little pests. I told you—I know those feet. Now take a deep breath and savor the scent of old leather, marinated in…”
    Before Al can finish, everyone clamps a hand over their mouth and nose. Bud silently points toward the museum entrance.

  4. Bud Bundy Avatar
    Bud Bundy

    Bud shoulders the door open and the smell arrives first, like a guest nobody invited. Inside, a wall of size fourteen orthopedic loafers hangs mounted and lit like hunting trophies, and the twins go completely silent for the first time in their lives.

    Al removes his hat.

    Al: “Kids, every one of these came through my store. That one on the end took me forty minutes and a shoehorn I never got back.”

Leave a Reply