How the Red Headed Grinch Stole Uncle Al’s Life

And now, Christmas with Dr. Shoe:
“How the Red-Headed Grinch Stole Uncle Al’s Life”
Al loved being single a lot, but the Red-Headed Grinch on Wanker Mountain did not
She scowled at the football player who scored four touchdowns in a game
And kept thinking he’d be on a fast-bound career train
She pondered, she wondered, she must do it now!
“I must marry and destroy him – but how?”
Then the Grinch sat on the sofa for quite a while
And watching Phil and Oprah, she started to smile
The Grinch listened, and glistened, then made a plan, to catch herself a future shoe man
He dated others, he tried to flee, but the Grinch said “Honey, marry me!”
Al ran, he planned, he hid in a shoe store, and he took a job thinking it would lead to more
He thought he was safe, and thus also sound
But the Grinch soon discovered and revealed her stomach round
Then came Kelly, and Bud followed soon, then Buck rushed in to carry more doom!
Money kept going, and flowing to the Red Grinch, who bought bon-bons in such a quick pinch
The Grinch never cooked, she never cleaned or washed clothes
And Al put his foot down – as the old story goes
He built his own bathroom, and created a club, called NO MA’AM to give the Grinch a snub
Al tried to escape from the Grinch and her evil young, but a loud angel with a sharp-witted tongue
Took Al to a dreamland, and saw his happy kin, on Christmas morning – their lives much better without him
And before he faltered, before he yielded his due, Al gained the strength of ten Grinches – plus two!
He blasted, he lasted – and the Red Grinch satisfied, cowered, and whined, and also cried
Red Grinch, ashamed, then started to clean and cook! Young Grinch-two got a real girlfriend, young Grinch-one read a book!
And in that moment, as Al turned Grinchier than the woman beast, she yielded to make the shoe-master’s feast
The Verminator, the Grandmaster, the chicken monster of the night, and her two husbands, the left and the right
Let the mighty Al be all alone, and peacefully sits on his Ferguson Throne
Thinking, drinking, Christmas, he thought, was not in trees, or Santa, or gifts that should be bought
It was the Son of God who came to earth from the loft
MERRY CHRISTMAS