Season 10 Episode 9: The Two That Got Away

Al and Jefferson arrive at the Elk Head Lodge for a fishing weekend and find that their reservation has been handed to Shannon Tweed, who is appearing as herself. The greeting party consists of two Swedish masseuses, which briefly convinces both men that they have landed somewhere better than they deserve, and the weekend goes downhill from the moment Tweed dismisses Jefferson as an aging pretty boy. He takes it personally enough to start plotting, and because he has been photographing everything since they pulled up, the plot writes itself: somewhere on that roll of film is Tweed in a hot tub with Randolph, the innkeeper.

What follows is the episode’s centrepiece, an auction held in the Bundy living room with tabloid representatives bidding against each other for the photograph. Al runs it from behind a podium with a gavel, and he warms the room up with a supporting lot, a genuine photograph of the Loch Ness monster, which is actually Peg’s mother in the bath. The tabloid men do not care what it is a picture of so long as they can attach a celebrity’s head to it, which is the sharpest thing the episode has to say and it says it in about four lines.

Bud and Kelly’s half of the half-hour has them trying to get Lucky cast in a dog food commercial, with Bud acting as agent again and Leland Orser returning as the same weary director who had handled Kelly’s weight-loss shake spot in season nine. The episode also quietly sets a record for the series: three Playboy Playmates appear in it, the third consecutive season ten episode to feature one, which says something about how the show was casting by this point in its run.

Episode Facts

• Original air date: Sunday, November 19, 1995 on FOX
• Season 10, Episode 9
• Overall episode 220 of the series
• Taped November 10, 1995; production code 10.09
• Written by Al Aidekman
• Directed by Amanda Bearse
• The title plays on the phrase “the one that got away”

Guest Cast

• Shannon Tweed as herself
• Joey Sagal as Randolph
• Leland Orser as the Director
• Donna D’Errico as Helga
• Shae Marks as Inga
• Alden Millikan as The Trash
• Joey Dente as Daily Scandal
• Jasmin Paul as Star Disher
• Mary Harper-Johns as the Stage Mom

The Loch Ness Auction

The auction scene is the best-constructed sequence in the episode and one of the better ones in the season, because it works on two levels at once. On the surface it is Al with a gavel, enjoying authority he has never had anywhere else. Underneath it is a joke about how the tabloid business actually operates: nobody examines the Loch Ness photograph for authenticity, they examine it for what they can do to it, and the winning bid comes with a plan to paste a celebrity’s head onto whatever it is.

Jefferson’s motive is worth dwelling on, because the series rarely gave him one. He is normally the household’s untroubled operator, and the thing that finally provokes him is being called old, specifically, an aging pretty boy, by a woman whose job description has always been looking good. His outraged comparison to Robert Redford, who was fifty-eight when this aired, is the closest the character ever comes to admitting vanity.

The dog food commercial subplot continues the show’s late-run interest in Bud as a parasitic agent. Having taken a cut of Kelly’s inventions and her modelling work, he now represents the dog, and Leland Orser’s director, on his second of three appearances, provides the industry’s reaction to the whole family. Joey Sagal, who plays Randolph the innkeeper, is Katey Sagal’s brother, and had turned up once before in season six.

Famous Quotes

• Al: “Jefferson, would you stop taking pictures so we can enjoy this place?” Then, as two women come out to greet them, “Jefferson, would you start taking pictures so we can enjoy this place?”
• Helga: “We are your Swedish masseuses. I’m Helga.” / Inga: “And I’m Inga.” / Al: “And I’m Alga.” / Jefferson: “…And I’m gaga.”
• Al: “Ah, Jefferson, we died and went to the land of milk and… honeys!”
• Jefferson: “Attention, media whores… uh, I mean, esteemed members of the press. The auction for the Shannon Tweed hot tub photo is about to begin.”
• Jefferson: “My God, Al, that’s horrific. What exactly is that?” / Al: “A picture of Peg’s mom in the bathtub.” / Jefferson: “I don’t see a bathtub in there.” / Al: “Trust me, Jefferson, it’s under there somewhere.”

Notes

• Three Playboy Playmates appear in the episode: Donna D’Errico (September 1995), Shae Marks (May 1994) and Shannon Tweed (November 1981, and Playmate of the Year for 1982).
• It is the third season ten episode in a row to feature a Playmate, following Heidi Mark in “Blonde and Blonder” and Neriah Davis in “Flight of the Bumblebee.”
• Shae Marks had appeared in season nine’s “Pump Fiction” as one of the women in Al’s second film.
• Donna D’Errico’s only prior credited acting role was on Unhappily Ever After, the sitcom created by Married… with Children co-creator Ron Leavitt.
• Joey Sagal, who plays Randolph, is Katey Sagal’s brother; he had previously appeared in season six’s “She’s Having My Baby” as a bar patron.
• Al sings “On Top of Old Smokey” on the walk up to the lodge entrance.
• When Bud hints that his client urinated in the D’Arcys’ roses, Kelly’s first guess is “Dad?” A reasonable one, given his record with the neighbours’ gardens.
• This is Leland Orser’s second of three appearances as the director who keeps ending up working with Kelly.