Season 3 Episode 13: Can’t Dance, Don’t Ask Me (aka Kelly’s Dance)

Kelly gets into trouble at school over an incident on a bus, and the only alternative to punishment is joining the tap-dance club. She has no interest in dancing, which is the premise, and her dance partner turns out to be Bruno, the school janitor, which gives the episode a second plot about what Kelly is actually interested in.

There is a layer of casting irony on top of the whole thing. Christina Applegate has a serious dance background and was an original member of a professional dance ensemble; Jesse Borrego, who plays Bruno, had come off Fame, a series entirely about performing arts students, and is also a trained dancer. Two accomplished dancers playing people who are supposed to be out of their depth is a joke the audience was never told about. Kelly dances to “Fever,” a song Katey Sagal later covered for the 2017 television remake of Dirty Dancing.

Al’s contribution is a statement of family doctrine. Told his daughter is in trouble, his position is that there are two things Bundys do not do: eat vegetables and tap, which lines up with the list he recites two episodes earlier. He is overruled.

The episode is also quietly generous with wedding-day history from both households. Marcy reveals that Steve’s mother sews his name into his underwear, which she discovered at their wedding; Peggy counters that Al’s mother threw up in the dip at theirs. Steve, inevitably, took tap in high school and played the accordion. The episode aired as a double bill with “A Three Job, No Income Family” after a two-week break.

Episode Facts

• Original air date: March 19, 1989
• Season 3, Episode 13, and the 48th episode of the series
• Also known as “Kelly’s Dance”
• Aired back to back with “A Three Job, No Income Family” after a two week break
• Written by Robert Ulin and Gabrielle Topping
• Directed by Gerry Cohen

Guest Cast

• Jesse Borrego as Bruno
• Bunny Summers as Mrs. Wicker
• Sandy Helberg as Mr. Wormer

Kelly Does Not Want to Tap

There is a good joke buried in the casting. Kelly has no interest in dance and no ability; Christina Applegate had an extensive dance background and was an original member of a dance troupe. Jesse Borrego, playing the janitor Kelly partners with, was a dancer too, from Fame, the same show that gave the series Billy Hufsey in season 2.

Al’s sock monologue is the other half of the episode and has nothing to do with the plot, which is the best reason for it to be there.

Famous Quotes

• Al: “Peg, remember the Bundy credo: when one Bundy is embarrassed, the rest of us feel better about ourselves.” The household charter.
• Al: “Two months ago, I bought 20 pair of socks. Now I got 20 swinging singles with only one complete pair.” The investigation begins.
• Al: “Something’s going on here, Peg. Something dark, something deep, something sinister, so I know a woman’s behind it!” Peg: “Sell a shoe, Al!” The investigation ends.
• Al: “If she doesn’t tap, she’s out of school, then she’ll be home all day… with you.” Peg: “And hop-shuffle-step, flat-ball-change!” Peg, converted.

Notes

• The title comes from the lyric in “I Won’t Dance.”
• Al tells Kelly that Bundys do not do two things: eat vegetables and tap.
• Kelly dances to “Fever.” Katey Sagal later recorded the same song for a television remake of Dirty Dancing.
• Marcy reveals Steve’s mother sews his name into his underwear. Peg reveals Al’s mother threw up in the dip at their wedding.