Season 5 Episode 11: And Baby Makes Money

Money has a way of making the Bundys behave, and in “And Baby Makes Money” it almost makes them affectionate. The episode opens in mourning. Al’s uncle Stymie Bundy has died, and the extended Bundy clan gathers to see what the old man left behind. Stymie was always Al’s favorite uncle for the simple reason that he was the only wealthy one, and the reason he was wealthy is that he never married. That bit of family arithmetic sets up everything that follows. When the will is finally read to the assembled male Bundys, Stymie’s fortune of five hundred thousand dollars is not handed to anyone outright. It goes instead to whichever Bundy is the first to produce a child born in wedlock, a condition that instantly turns a funeral into a race. For Al, who has spent five seasons treating his marriage bed as a place strictly for sleeping and sulking, half a million dollars is suddenly a very persuasive argument. He starts courting his own wife, stocking up on magazines for inspiration, and talking himself into a level of enthusiasm he has not shown since high school. Peg, who has spent those same five seasons being refused, is not nearly as motivated by the money as she is amused by watching her husband beg. She has plans of her own, and they do not necessarily involve cooperating on schedule. Meanwhile Kelly wanders through with a home pregnancy test and an explanation of chemistry she picked up from reruns, and Marcy delivers a fantasy monologue that leaves Peg speechless. The whole thing is built on the show’s favorite joke, which is that the Bundys will do almost anything except what is good for them.

Episode Facts

• Original air date: December 16, 1990
• Season and episode: Season 5, Episode 11
• Overall episode number: 91
• Written by: Art Everett
• Directed by: Gerry Cohen
• Production note: The title plays on the 1949 film And Baby Makes Three, a joke that lands harder once you learn the baby in question is worth $500,000.

Guest Cast

• Beth Broderick as Miss Penza
• Charlie Brill as Eugene Bundy
• Jack Jozefson as Iggy Bundy

The Stymie Clause

The inheritance condition is one of the better engines the writers ever bolted onto an Al and Peg story, because it forces the two of them into the same room with opposite goals. Al needs a baby, which means he needs Peg, which means he has to be nice to her. Peg does not need anything. She has already lost the argument about their sex life a hundred times, and now the argument has reversed itself and she intends to enjoy every minute of it.

The will reading also gives the show a rare look at the wider Bundy gene pool. Iggy, Lester and Eugene Bundy all turn up to hear the terms, which tells you everything about how thin the odds were that Stymie would find a worthy heir. Charlie Brill plays Eugene and Jack Jozefson plays Iggy, and between them they make Al look comparatively well adjusted.

The subplot that gets quoted most has nothing to do with the money. Kelly finds the home pregnancy test on the coffee table and cheerfully walks her father through how to use it, citing Gilligan’s Island as her source. Across the street, Marcy explains her approach to romance to Peg in a monologue involving a bar, a tight dress and Mike Tyson being greased up, then sits back down and admits that sometimes she gets a little kinky. It is the kind of hard left turn the show saved for Amanda Bearse.

Famous Quotes

• Kelly, after discovering the home pregnancy test on the coffee table and deciding to demonstrate it for her father: “I saw the Professor do it on Gilligan’s Island.”
• Peg, explaining to Marcy how Al is preparing for the evening: “Al is out buying smut. Playboy, Penthouse, Biker Babes. Fuel for the drive tonight.”
• Marcy, after declaring that no man should need outside stimulation and then being asked what she uses: “Well, I like to keep my fantasies simple. Starts with me in a really tight, short dress at the end of a bar. At the other end, they’re greasing up Mike Tyson.”

Notes

• Kelly mangles “buenas noches” into “buenos nachos,” one of a long running series of Kelly Bundy language mishaps.
• Al refers to his nickname for himself as “Lancelot,” a line that somehow made it past broadcast standards in 1990.
• Uncle Stymie’s wealth is explained entirely by the fact that he never married, which is the same joke the show had been making about Al since the pilot.
• Beth Broderick, who appears here as Miss Penza, would later become familiar to a different generation as Aunt Zelda on Sabrina the Teenage Witch.