Season 6 Episode 4: Cheese, Cues and Blood

Kelly has money. A lot of it, suddenly and without explanation, and the person who notices first is her father. Al’s mind goes immediately to the worst conclusion available, and when he sees Jefferson dressed in a wide-brimmed hat counting a roll of cash, the picture assembles itself: his daughter has gone into business and his neighbor is managing her. Al’s response is to put Jefferson through a pool table. The truth, which arrives shortly afterward, is that Kelly has been hustling pool at a local hall with Jefferson acting as her front man, and that it was her idea rather than his. She is extremely good at it. The regulars at the hall have been watching her clear tables and have formed opinions. Once Al understands what is actually happening, his outrage evaporates and is replaced instantly by the desire to get in on it, and because he has no money of his own to stake, he goes and sells his blood to raise it. The episode’s climax is Kelly playing a match against a hustler named Slick Stick Jackson with her father’s blood money riding on it, and Al in the crowd, light-headed and barely vertical, watching his daughter’s cue work with more parental pride than he has shown about anything else in six seasons. He performs the Duckwalk when she wins. The episode is also one of the clearest demonstrations of how fast Al’s moral objections collapse once money is involved. He goes from physically assaulting his neighbor over the family honor to wanting a piece of the action inside about ninety seconds, and the only obstacle he treats as serious is the lack of capital.

Episode Facts

• Original air date: September 29, 1991
• Season and episode: Season 6, Episode 4
• Overall episode number: 109
• Written by: Allan Davis
• Directed by: Gerry Cohen
• Taped: September 6, 1991
• Production note: Every difficult-looking shot Kelly sinks on camera was set up as a dead combo, which made them nearly impossible to miss.
• Title note: A play on “blood, sweat and tears.”

Guest Cast

• James Paradise as Slick Stick Jackson
• David Dario as Doug
• Bert L. Cook as James
• B.T. Taylor as Adam
• Tommy Perna as Tony (credited as Tom Perna)
• Christian Guzek as the kid

Selling Blood for a Stake

The structure of the episode is a nice piece of misdirection. For most of the first act the audience is allowed to share Al’s suspicion, because the evidence as presented genuinely does point in the direction Al is pointing. Jefferson in the hat, counting cash, is a visual joke that only works because everyone watching has drawn the same wrong conclusion. Al’s response, slamming him onto the pool table and telling him to say goodnight, Super Fly, is the kind of thing that would end a friendship anywhere else on television.

What makes the episode land is the turn afterward. Al going out and selling his own blood to raise a stake is both pathetic and entirely in character, and it lets the show do something it almost never allowed, which is let Al Bundy be straightforwardly proud of one of his children. He watches Kelly run the table against Slick Stick Jackson while visibly unwell from blood loss, and he is delighted.

The pool hall scenes gave the production a chance to fill a room with character actors, and one of them is not an actor at all. Bert L. Cook, who plays the barfly James, was a member of the show’s own production staff making his acting debut.

James Paradise, who plays Slick Stick, would end up opposite Christina Applegate again almost ten years later on the NBC sitcom Jesse, in an episode where he picks a fight with her character at a piano bar.

Famous Quotes

• Al, having concluded the worst about Jefferson’s new business attire, as he slams him onto the pool table: “Say goodnight, Super Fly.”
• Marcy, on her husband’s recent viewing habits: Jefferson has been watching Madonna videos, and she can tell “he just wants to put on a pointy bra and vogue.”
• Kelly, with the episode’s signature malapropism: “A dollar short and a week late.”

Notes

• The cold open has Al watching Family Feud, where a hundred survey respondents name shoe salesman as the job they would least like to have.
• Kelly is apparently still the reigning Miss Weenie Tot at this point, having won the title in season 5 and seemingly never been stripped of it despite exposing her parents’ prize-splitting scheme.
• Al calls Kelly “Mr. Koppel” during a rant, and at another point announces that the tape will self-destruct in five seconds.
• Al sings the Flipper theme while watching the match.
• Slick Stick calls Jefferson “Action Jackson” while waiting for Al to come back.
• A continuity run of goofs around the pool table: Jefferson’s hat falls off when Al slams him down and is back on in the next shot, and the ball sitting in the middle of the table changes color twice.