Season 7 Episode 20: Un-Alful Entry

A burglar breaks into the Bundy house at night. Al, half asleep, mistakes the intruder for his wife and makes contact accordingly, and the resulting discovery wakes him up fast. When the man threatens him, Al knocks him out and holds him until the police arrive, and overnight Al Bundy becomes a neighborhood hero. He gives a statement to the press describing his actions as pure heroism not to be cheapened by crass commercialism, and comes down the stairs in the next scene wearing sponsor patches. Then the burglar sues him for his injuries, and the Bundys are back in court. Al’s choice of counsel is his daughter. Kelly’s opening statement to the bench is one of the most purely stupid things the series ever committed to tape, built around spelling a word she cannot spell, and Al’s immediate suggestion of a different lawsuit the court might consider instead is the correct response. His own closing argument is a genuine barnburner: he concedes that he has lost a thousand previous cases and has no knowledge of the law, states what he does not know about women, and then makes the entire thing about national borders. Randall “Tex” Cobb, a former heavyweight contender, plays the burglar. It is the last of the series’ courtroom episodes and arguably the best, because for once Al is in the right and it makes no difference at all. The episode also holds the distinction of being the one time a camera crew filmed the show being made, for a FOX special that aired the same spring.

Episode Facts

• Original air date: March 28, 1993
• Season and episode: Season 7, Episode 20
• Overall episode number: 151
• Written by: Larry Jacobson
• Directed by: Amanda Bearse
• Taped: March 18, 1993
• Production note: Marcy does not appear, as Amanda Bearse directed.
• Production note: The making of this episode was filmed for a FOX special, A Day in the Life of, which followed cast from this show, Roc and Martin through a full working day. The crew tracked Amanda Bearse and Ted McGinley from their homes to the set and the director’s booth.
• Title note: A play on “unlawful entry,” and probably on the 1992 film of that name.

Guest Cast

• Randall “Tex” Cobb as Richard Johnson, the burglar
• Melanie Chartoff as Laurie Diamond, the attorney
• Edwin Owens as the judge
• Dan Tullis Jr. as the policeman
• Kari Coleman as the TV news anchor
• Brooke Stacy Mills as Sandy

Bundy vs. the Board of Education

Randall “Tex” Cobb was a real heavyweight who had gone fifteen rounds with Larry Holmes for the world title a decade earlier, which makes him a sensible piece of casting for a man Al Bundy is supposed to have knocked unconscious. He had also appeared in Uncommon Valor alongside Harold Sylvester, who would later join this show as Al’s co-worker Griff.

Kelly’s performance as defense counsel is the episode’s reason for existing, and the show commits to it fully. Her opening statement does not contain a legal argument. Al’s response to it, proposing that the real case here is against the school system that graduated her, is the best line he gets in the courtroom.

Amanda Bearse revealed during the FOX special that an entire additional scene was shot out of this episode on the day, because it would have run three minutes long, and that she had to telephone the actor involved to tell him he was no longer needed.

Al’s driver’s license appears on screen during the news report, and it is the most specific biographical document the series ever produced: born November 7, 1948, licensed since February 9, 1978, expiring November 7, 1995, six foot two, two hundred pounds, and currently revoked.

Jefferson’s pitch to replace Al in the endorsement deals, complete with a demonstration of how much better he fits with the family on the couch, is a callback to season 4’s “It’s a Bundyful Life,” where Ted McGinley played exactly that role in the world where Al had never been born.

Famous Quotes

• Bud: “You think Dad could make money off this whole thing?” Peg: “You heard what your father said to the press. This was an act of pure heroism, not to be cheapened by crass commercialism. And you know, your father’s word is as good as his breath!”
• Al, arriving downstairs covered in sponsor patches: “I am an American hero. And in the grand tradition of American heroes, I will hawk more products than Bill Cosby… when he was hot.”
• Kelly, opening for the defense: “D is for daddy. A… is for daddy. D is for daddy, Y is for daddy, I is for daddy, WE is for daddy. The defense breasts!”
• Al, to the bench: “If there is a valid lawsuit here, it should be ‘Bundy vs. the Board of Education’, because she actually graduated high school!”
• Al, closing: “If a man comes into my house, he better be carrying a summons or a pizza!”

Notes

• The original broadcast ended with a short extra scene over the credits: the camera pans the empty courtroom to find Kelly still seated, asking where her cheeseburger is. The DVD freezes it as a still and then releases it at the end of the credits.
• Kari Coleman, the Channel 83 anchor, had appeared earlier in the season as the field reporter Muffy in “The Chicago Wine Party.”
• Dan Tullis Jr. returns as the police officer, a part he had been playing since season 5.
• During cross examination Al volunteers that he has kicked a Girl Scout in the face.
• A goof: a professional camcorder sits on the desk by the basement door for no reason during one scene and has vanished by the next.