Season 7 Episode 4: Al on the Rocks

Seven is sick, and Peg’s response is to seal the house against anyone who might make it worse, which in practice means putting Bud and Kelly out on the porch in the cold. Their appeal to Marcy for shelter produces the single best two-line exchange of the season. The bigger problem is the doctor’s bill, and the money that was supposed to cover it is gone, because Peg found cash sitting unused in a red envelope in the mailbox and took it. The envelope was addressed to the mortgage company. Her explanation, that she takes money from envelopes not addressed to her but never reads them because that would be an invasion of privacy, is delivered with total sincerity. The family is now several months behind and about to become considerably more behind. Al’s solution is a second job, and the job he finds is bartending at a place called Manhole, where the gimmick is that the bartender works topless. So Al Bundy spends the episode shirtless behind a bar in front of a paying audience, which the show scores to “Tuff Enuff” and treats with no mercy whatsoever. Jefferson, who has spent the series avoiding employment, eventually turns up working there too. Marcy’s reaction to Al flexing in his own living room beforehand is worth the price of admission on its own. Peg’s handling of the mortgage money is the sort of thing the series returned to again and again, and it never got old, because the show never once let her see anything wrong with it. The episode ends with the family no better off than it started, which by season 7 was the only ending available.

Episode Facts

• Original air date: October 4, 1992
• Season and episode: Season 7, Episode 4
• Overall episode number: 135
• Written by: Andrew Smith
• Directed by: Gerry Cohen
• Taped: September 14, 1992
• Production note: From this episode the opening credits carry a new clip for Ted McGinley, showing Jefferson working at the Manhole bar and dropping a tray of bottles. Syndicated prints use it from the season premiere onward.
• Title note: A double meaning on a drink served over ice and on something being in danger of collapse.

Guest Cast

• Diane Delano as Gladys
• Sherlock Ganz as Patron #1
• Laurel Ollstein as Patron #2

Behind the Bar at Manhole

Putting Al Bundy behind a topless bar is the kind of premise this show could only run because Ed O’Neill was willing to do it without protecting himself, and the episode gets a lot of mileage out of how completely unbothered the clientele are. One patron’s only interest is in how long the drinks are taking.

The red envelope conversation is the best scene in the episode and a model of how Peg and Al talk about money. Her account of her own ethics, that she will take cash out of someone else’s mail but would never read the letter, is unimprovable, and Al’s response, that on the bright side they will soon be moving to a roomier space called outside, is the right answer.

Marcy’s heckling of Al’s physique escalates properly: a dollar to sing “YMCA,” then a second dollar to put a shirt back on. The Village People themselves turned up on the series the following season in “Kiss of the Coffee Woman” territory, performing the song for Marcy’s women’s group.

Sherlock Ganz, the patron in the red flannel shirt, had appeared a few episodes earlier as Olga, the Chicago bowling team driver in “The Gas Station Show.” The blue Chicago Bowling Team shirts from that episode reappear on two women in the bar once Jefferson starts working there, which is a nice piece of wardrobe continuity for a show that rarely bothered.

Famous Quotes

• Kelly, locked out on the porch in the cold: “Help us!” Marcy: “I can’t, I’m a republican!”
• Seven: “Daddy, what’s retirement?” Al: “It’s what men do when they die and women do when they marry.”
• Peg, explaining where the doctor’s money came from: “When I open envelopes not addressed to me, I just take the money. But I never read them. I feel that would be an invasion of privacy.”
• Al, on the consequences: “On the good side, we’ll be moving to a roomier space now. It goes by the name ‘outside’.”
• Marcy, watching Al flex: “I just had a Village People flashback.” Al: “People pay to see me like this.” Marcy: “Here’s a dollar. Sing ‘YMCA’. No, wait, here’s two dollars. Put a shirt on.”

Notes

• Al reveals he would be willing to sue his own mother over five dollars she owes him.
• Jefferson’s method of deflecting Marcy whenever she raises the subject of him getting a job involves a phrase built on the name of a sixties rock band.
• Jefferson also reveals that he has his body waxed.
• The Fabulous Thunderbirds’ “Tuff Enuff” scores both Al’s and later Jefferson’s first shift at the bar.
• Diane Delano, who plays Gladys, went on to a long character career including Northern Exposure and Popular.