Season 9 Episode 19: Ship Happens (2)

The ship goes down. Al, Peg, Marcy and Jefferson survive in a lifeboat along with one other passenger and Gilbert Gottfried, who is appearing as himself and whose job for the duration is to keep everyone’s spirits up, a task he performs by being Gilbert Gottfried at close range in a small boat. The best exchange in the episode involves the flare gun: Peg produces it, Al explains what it is for, and Peg’s objection to being found in her current hairstyle leads her to throw it into the sea. Al’s conclusion about why Jacques Cousteau staffed the Calypso the way he did is immediately corrected by Gottfried. Al eventually sets off alone to find help, the others are rescued almost at once, and Al turns up two days later. Back in Chicago the story has become national news and the house has filled with reporters, which gives Bud the best material of the episode: he objects furiously to the invasion of his family’s privacy, is offered a million dollars for an exclusive, and revises his position within one sentence. Miranda Veracruz de la Hoya Cardinal arrives to conduct the interview and her line of questioning is exactly as tasteful as everything else she has done.

The lifeboat is the whole set for most of the half-hour, which forces the episode to run on dialogue rather than situation, and Gottfried is the instrument. He and Ed O’Neill had worked together five years earlier on The Adventures of Ford Fairlane, and the episode essentially drops that dynamic into a confined space and lets it grind. The rescue, when it comes, resolves nothing in the Bundys’ favour, and the two-parter ends with the family exactly where it started, which is the only ending this show would accept.

Episode Facts

• Original air date: February 26, 1995
• Season and episode: Season 9, Episode 19
• Overall episode number: 203
• Written by: Gerry Cohen
• Directed by: Katherine Green
• Taped: February 17, 1995
• Production note: Conclusion of the two-parter. Gerry Cohen, who normally directed, wrote this one, and Katherine Green, who normally wrote, directed it.
• Production note: Gilbert Gottfried and Ed O’Neill had worked together before, on The Adventures of Ford Fairlane in 1990.
• Title note: A play on a cruder idiom.

Guest Cast

• Gilbert Gottfried as himself
• Teresa Parente as Miranda Veracruz de la Hoya Cardinal
• Leilani Jones, Keith Sellon-Wright, Kevin McBride, Melissa Chan and Scott Hartman as the reporters

Adrift with Gilbert Gottfried

Casting Gottfried as the man responsible for morale in a lifeboat is the whole joke and the episode does not need to do anything else with it. He is loud, he is relentless, and the survivors are trapped. His one-line correction of Al’s theory about Cousteau is the funniest thing he says.

The flare gun scene is the best-written exchange in the episode because Peg’s priorities are entirely consistent with nine seasons of her character. She has a bad haircut and would rather not be rescued in it, and the show lets her throw away their only signalling device without comment.

Bud’s collapse under financial pressure is the sharpest piece of writing. He delivers a genuinely indignant speech about privacy, orders his sister to show the press out, and when a figure is named his instruction changes to getting them all a drink. The turn takes about four seconds.

Miranda’s interview is her best appearance on the series. She opens by speculating on camera about where the decomposing corpses might eventually be found, apologizes for any insensitivity when challenged, and then immediately asks a worse question.

A sad coincidence of scheduling: Logo TV had this episode slotted for the early hours of April 13, 2022, which turned out to be the day after Gottfried died. The timing was accidental, and April 12 was also Ed O’Neill’s birthday.

Famous Quotes

• Peg, producing a flare gun: “Honey, we’ve got this.” Al: “Peg, that’s a flare gun! We only use that when the rescuers try to find us.” Peg: “Oh, but I don’t want them to see my hair.”
• Al, after she throws it overboard: “Well, now I know why Jacques Cousteau only has men on the Calypso.” Gottfried: “Uh, that’s not why.”
• Bud, to the assembled press: “You people can’t just barge in here and invade our privacy! Kelly, show these people out!” Reporter: “We’ll pay you $1 million for your exclusive story.” Bud, calmly: “Kelly, get these people a Snapple.”
• Miranda, going live: “Live at the home of Kelly and Bud Bundy who are anxiously awaiting news of whether their parents will be found alive, or if their decomposing corpses will be found weeks later in some South Florida bog.”
• Miranda, after apologizing for any insensitivity: she immediately resumes with a worse question.

Notes

• The sunken ship is confirmed as the Sea Dodge.
• Al claims to have watched all three thousand episodes of Gilligan’s Island. There were ninety-eight.
• Melissa Chan, one of the reporters, returns in season 10’s “Enemies” as a waitress.
• A goof: Al asks whether he has thanked Peg for inviting him on the trip and she says he has not, when he had in fact done so twice in the previous episode, albeit sarcastically. A boom microphone is also visible just before his interview.